Cultural Outrage Continued

A Question and a Comment:

“Hello, Jello Customer Service. How can I help you?”
“HI! It says on the wrapper here for Jello Puddin’ Pops to call this number with any questions or comments. I have one of each. Is that OK?”
“Why it sure is, sir! Shoot!”
“OK, first I have a comment: Mmmmmmmmm Chocolaty!!!!!!
And my question: Is it OK for me to call them Pud-nnnn Pops?”

I wish my question and comment were so benign, but, I dunno, it’s that kind of a day!

While driving back from our gigs in NY this past weekend, Bob Ethington who, in addition to being a terrific drummer and really great guy, also serves as head of Pop Culture for the Summit County (of Ohio) Public Library System, was telling us about an event held in the theater at the main branch in Akron.

Eve Ensler, the author of The Vagina Monologues made an appearance during which, she coached all the women in the audience to yell out, in unison, the word ‘Cunt.’ The idea was to ‘take back’ ownership of that word.

Now I have a problem here. The entomology of this word points to the Middle English word ‘cunte,’ and the Lower German, ‘kunte.’ Both pretty much referring to the female genitals. My problem with this word, is that I have encountered women, foul acting, foul speaking women, women of incredible intelligence and sensitivity, and women who wouldn’t blink at watching a kitten knifed in front of them, and there seems to be an almost across the board consensus here:

“Call me anything. Do anything you want to me. Just DON’T EVER DARE USE THAT WORD!!!!!”

Is it the fact that it comes from MIDDLE English, or LOWER German? Was every woman I’ve ever met, unbeknownst to me, violated and beaten by a dear uncle while having this word slobbered through hot rancid garlic breath into her ear?

Why is it that some women will put up with unimaginable abuse, terrible treatment, with a strength, patience, and stoicism that literally drops me to my knees in astonished admiration, and yet would just as soon slit the Pope’s throat than hear this word uttered?

I have stood in a world where I, my mother, father, grandparents, nieces, all of us have had to hear about how someone “Jewed someone down,” how someone was (and this said with a chilling leer),”A Jew Bastard,” this after having 6 million of us slaughtered for no real reason I can make clear… even THIS FACT argued by some skinhead bastards. I have friends who are 'niggers,' called THIS after years of slavery, after evolving to the societal point we’ve reached today where so many of this race have been beaten into places no human should have to sit or stand. The more charitable of the ignorant bastards generously declaring that there are black people that are ‘just as good as you or me, and then there are niggers.’
Now, outrage and incredible anger at all this I can understand, and I can understand not liking to be called anything dirty, but what, I want to know, makes this word, like what I wrote about above, worse than so many other horrible things one might refer to a woman as, if one was so inclined.

I’m not arguing it, I’m just uninformed here. What’s the issue ladies?
I mean it’s obvious that I’m sensitive to it. I used it once this whole blog, and was looking over my shoulder as I typed it. I just realized no one ever explained it to me.

And now my comment:

The conversation about the above event with Bob led me to some Zen Interstate 80 think, and I came up with the following revelation.

I think the word ‘penis’ is a silly little word, and minimizes the importance and impact of our dear little friend. None of the slang words for this organ are related to the clinical term, ‘prick’ the closest by sharing the first letter, so no real attachment in this sense.

To correct this linguistic silliness, I nominate a new word:

SCREPTACULUM

First, a far more clinical sounding word, lending far more credibility to male genitalia as a serious and important organ. It also lends itself to a far better, more masculine slang term for it,

My Tac (a very manly sounding nickname)
My Scrappy Tac! (stupid but still faithful to the root, if you will)

I don’t think more need be said. Women, take back that nasty assed ‘C’ word, and give us guys a real, juicy one to carry between our legs. Spread the word far and wide!!!

SCREPTACULUM

OK, I’m done here, probably have offended some, again assuming anyone ever reads this. But gee whiz kids, on both these counts , someone help me out here. It doesn’t have to be in the comments section. It can be a separate e-mail. On the other hand, never mind. I never use that word anyway, and no one’s gonna buy into my exceptionally improved term for the male genitalia.

I might as well give up and screw myself in the… oops.