Her Name was... Anna.

JUST IN CASE YOU MISSED THIS AMAZING NARRATIVE GEM ON THE 'NOTES FROM CASTLE GOLD' BLOG:

There are these credit card promotions that, when one has a reasonable amount of CC debt, are worth paying attention to and using. Some offer 0% or 1% interest on a transfered balance for a limited time, some offer a somewhat higher, but still bargain APR for the life of the transfered amount.

We've had a Chase card for a while that we actually have carried no balance on since July of last year. So when their offer came, seeing our other cache of debt's promo rate expired, thus upping us to the usual crippling APR, I decided to move over money to Chase, smartly opting for the 4.99% APR for the life of the debt.

So today I pick up an envelope that arrived from Chase, and find that our first payment is 1.36 Trillion Dollars based on an APR of 387.69457%. This pretty much translates into us signing over the deed to the house this month, and selling Lizzie into white slavery while in Japan next month to buy more time to come up with a clever, life insurance proof, method of killing ourselves in order to ultimately offer our grandchildren (sadly, it's already over for our kids) a chance at running free and strong in this great nation of ours.

So I figure I somehow misplaced the first statement, and all is lost because I'm late. I do this a lot. It's not like we don't have the money. I think the novelty and joy associated with affording to, as an adult, pay bills as they come, has worn off. I'm fat and bored with the process and therefore screw shit up with regularity, based on my disgusting sloth. I panic and look for that pile of mail I think I may have let slide on the floor next to my office chair. Heart racing... nope, I was actually good this month and am, oddly, up to date with all our bill paying.

So what can it be? I look at the statement closely. It appears I'm 'OVER MY LIMIT.' The tricky thing with CC companies is that you simply can NOT be even 12 seconds late with a payment, nor can you be even 1 red cent over your limit, or they automatically (you can hear the heavy bolts, tumblers, motors all roaring into action here) rip any considerations away from you as if you are a piece of shit stealing all the baby furniture and citrus fruit from your poor Scurvy ridden neighbors, rickets be damned- upping your APR to the highest imaginable, a little extra high, known as their 'Prefered Crack Ho and Student Rate.'

So what's the deal? Well, it appears I wrote a transfer check for the full amount of our limit, not considering the ... TRANSACTION FEE.

So now we're $65 over limit, charged a $39 over-limit fee and upped to 13.74% APR.

I call - The first guy I get is interesting because he has an Hispanic name, but an unmistakable Indian accent. Like the guys at the Sushi bar who speak no English whatsoever, but are to be addressed as 'Joe' and 'Eddie.' But now, in a country with Hispanics making up a growing 24% of the population, odds are better, from a customer service vantage, for the guy from Bombay to take on the moniker of 'Pedro.' Cool.

aside :

http://www.pedroland.com

Anyway, it turns out that while it's crazy, the contract DOES speak of a transaction fee, I know there's going to be a transaction fee, and yet write the check for our limit to the penny, and am thus over the limit before I get my first statement, thus voiding the promotional rate and placing us back in with the huddled masses with no recourse, except to sell off something in our portfolio (currently earning a nice rate) in order to get rid of this balance, the whole premise (in delusional 'high finance' think) of even keeping a balance on this card at the promotional rate to... right Pedro(?), "RIGHT!"

"Can I speak to a supervisor, please?"
"Certainly."

"Hello, my name is... Anna. Is there some way I can help you, Mr. Gold."

"Hi Anna. I doubt it, but I have to try.

Breath sucks in and a pathetic 'I'm an idiot, but can you please help poor me?' tone of voice takes over. Empowerng her on the most intimate level is my only chance... and I have NO chance.

"Y'see I have a card in good standing with Chase, my business has been banking with Chase for 20 years, I just moved over $..... into this account, a clean account in excellent standing, on a promotion, to the full amount of my credit limit. Yes, I know there was a fee, but I simply didn't think of it when I wrote in the amount of the check, and now I find myself having hit this (did not use the adjectives 'scandalous', 'insidious' or 'fucked-up' intentionally) tripwire that says I'm over my limit and can no longer avail myself of this promotional rate. Now while I cede all the information was undoubtedly in print, it would seem that customer service might see a red flag, call the good and loyal customer, just as every internet driven transaction would, and say "Hey , (you're about to blow it), are you sure you want to do this?" and give me the chance to do what it was I actually WANTED to do... but didn't. This hardly seems fair and seems in opposition to the spirit of the deal. Is there any way we can correct this. Is there any way you can help me? I'll pay the overbalance, I'll pay the penalty for the overbalance. I mean this is a higher rate than I had where the money was sitting before I moved it over. I'll do anything, but is there any way we can get the APR back to the promotion this was intended to be?" Exhale.

"OK," said... Anna,"You have to pay what's on your statement, but I'll credit your over limit fee, and put in the recommendation to have your promotional fee restored."

"Thanks so very much! I so appreciate this. I'm sorry, but what's your name again."

"'Anna,' Mister Gold. I'm an Account Supervisor here."

And then I opened my eyes, rolled over and said to my wives, Halle Berry and George Clooney, "I just had the weirdest dream..."

Thank you, Anna.