MY SON-IN-LAW IS A BETTER ACTOR THAN HE IS A SHYSTER... AND THAT'S SAYIN' SOMETHING!

WE NEED YOUR HELP, GENTLE READER. IN TAKING THE FIRST STEPS TO INSURING A COMFORTABLE, IF NOT RIDICULOUSLY LUXURIOUS RETIREMENT FOR D-MOM AND ME... PLEASE READ TO THE END -

The following is an edited reprint from my son-in-law Kirk’s blog:

This past weekend Meghan and I were supposed to make our way to Maryland to my family's old vacation spot, the Solomon Islands. Unfortunately we were unable to go due to work and other monetary related accidents. During my weekend of brooding over my absence from the family vacation, mi amigo Yoshuwa contacted me about a contest in which the first place winners would receive a trip to L.A. to meet a casting director and receive two hundred dollars spending money. All we had to do was a scene from a movie and submit it for a chance to win. The movie we would copy from was, "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang", a new movie with Val Kilmer and Robert Downey Jr.

Yoshuwa was convinced we looked close enough to the two actors that we could duplicate the scene and sweep the contest. Not only on our looks but on our unmatched acting abilities as well mind you.

Yoshuwa and I rehearsed our lines for long periods of time trying to memorize them and to sound as natural in our dialogue as possible. We ended the night confident in our abilities to deliver the scene with unbelieveable, untapped talent

The next day we had breakfast and went over our lines (ed. Presumably for the 8000th time), and then went to the downtown parking lot in Warren, Ohio… and set up the tri-pod.

Now, with most movies I believe actors get up to something like ten takes. We took at least twenty or so, a piece. I strongly believe that we would have done many, many more if my battery hadn't died. We then headed for the editorial room of the GOLD PALACE located in …ed.- somewhere secret.

Yoshuwa and I just didn't realize that it would take us six hours of editing to get one minute of video footage. Now I understand why they never let directors or actors edit movies.

We scraped together the scene, doubtful that we'll make it to Hollywood, yet hopeful that this whole contest could be the catapault that slings us into total "where the heck where you two hiding all this time" celebrity.

Whichever way the wind blows all we ask is that we are given a chance. Ed- This section had a declaration of humility, followed directly by a shout from atop the mount glorying in the incredible balls it took to step out to the top of a parking deck with a camcorder.

Then comes the paragraph with the link and an entreaty to go there and vote for the best clip, and not for him and Yoshie unless you think it's the best. Well, I'm here to ask you to ignore the "aw shucks" humility and sense of fair play from our dear midwestern boy. We love him for it, but I repeat:

Do not heed that last paragraph!! Kirk really IS good. Go look. You’ll see. My point is, I already did, and I say he’s excellent. As Dustin Hoffman so eloquently pointed out one year as he accepted his Oscar, so many things transpire against an aspiring actor. It may never happen, for so many reasons. So just vote for him, regardless of whether you have the time to watch the clip.

DON'T STOP, GO DIRECTLY TO www.kkbbcasting.com/casting/?vidId=29596 then vote.

VOTING BEGINS MONDAY, JUNE 19th
Trust me, Kirk actually IS an actor... better yet, don't trust me.

IMPORTANT NOTE -- THE BOYS FINISHED 8th IN THE VOTING AND DID NOT, IN FACT, WIN ANYTHING IN THIS CONTEST. THIS SPACE HAD THE CLIP TO WATCH, BUT IT SLOWED DOWN THE BLOG SO MUCH, I HAD TO RID MYSELF OF IT. STILL... GREAT WORK GUYS! MAZEL TOV FOR THE SHOWING YOU MADE.

Additionally, I know Yoshua, and why he hasn't already been a major/minor character killed off by Miami Steve on the Sopranos, having moved on to releasing his own brand of pasta sauce, I haven't a clue.

... also, to Val Kilmer: I know Kirk Olmstead, and you're no Kirk Olmstead.