Report from Japan

Dateline: Wed. May 31st

Having beheld Sanjusangendo and Kyomizu-dera and refreshed herself at the Waterfall of Wisdom, the predestined Elizabeth Anne Markovich, the now legend "yellow head" saved the life of a child, having TRANSFORMED into the ultimate "very popular with very many people"...

Elizabitu

What next for our great and beautiful heroin from the West?
- Will she become a great Asian Art Scholar?
- Suburban Japan's Next Top Model?
- A Woman of Intrigue traveling the world with her HERO LIFE PARTNER Joe San, saving yet more unfortunates from a disastrous fate?
- The greatest of all Flight Attendants?
Or..................
ALL OF THE ABOVE?!? HER GREATNESS IS WITHOUT LIMIT!!!!

Joe San

FORGET THE DA VINCI CODE!!

I don't want to get into the habit of carrying contributing bloggers, but in this case, we once again see a story better than anything I could come up with. So, without further ado, from Bob Ethington, Director of Popular Culture at the Akron (Summit County?) Public Library:

My Favorite Library Patron

Ah! And now, this afternoon - for only the second time ever: My Favorite Patron..... Whom I'd only encountered once before, about a year ago, in a similar fashion....

He's an older white fellow, and looks and speaks in what at first seems a very typical, normal manner. "I'm 70 yrs old, could you guess that?", he asks. "When you're bald like me, it's hard to tell. We all look old, hee hee."

"My wife is 68, but you'd never guess that from looking at her...."

But then:

"I died. I was dead for ten years. But then God brought me back to life."

Me: (No response).

"Ten years I was dead...."

Me: "Oh yeah? How about that."

"Ten years.... but then God brought me back. And let me tell you, Heaven is FAR better than you could ever imagine."

Me: (.......)

"Dead for ten years...."

Me: "Well, uh, wow. Jesus was only dead for three DAYS, and you did ten years. That's pretty impressive!"

"Oh, but no. Jesus, he was dead for three nights, and then resurrected. But he went NORTH. Way into outer space, to Venus. And all of the Venusians are now Christians."

Me: "Gee, I didn't know there even was anything living on Venus...."

"That's true, there isn't much life there. But there are WHALES. And the whales there, like the whales on Earth, on very intelligent. And the whales on Venus are Christians."

Really, there's no arguing with this logic! He then walked away.

I once heard Gilbert Gottfried, on Howard Stern, do an impression of Jackie Mason explaining why black folks (the 'Schwartzes') would never go to the moon (too cold) but that Jews would love it.




I've also seen Sun Ra, a documented Pharoah from Saturn.






But this... Bob... you've moved up just a buttload of notches on the "He (or she) who has the most anecdotes when he dies, wins" list, if not for quantity, for the enormity of the quality of this one.

Mazel Tov.

Haircut of the Day

The fact that this guy's head looks like my pal, Paul Koestner (in his pre gray days, of course) is just icing on the cake.

Submitted by D-Mom

Field of Dreams

“Is this heaven? No, it’s Iowa.”

Being a stepladder allows me to avail myself, should I choose, of the “They’re Your Daughters!!” kind of creepy comment when navigating the shit pool. I don’t think I have ever said that, not that such a non-act deserves a medal, but still...

No question, there have been minimally bumpy moments when all of us have, on one occasion or 1000, stepped in the piggy puddle. My own size 10 foot (“peeyoo” wails the giant mythic Ellie Creature ) has entered my mouth, shot down my gullet and right out my big hairy ass on more than one occasion.

But truth is, there are three remarkably special gals who I both love and admire. Recent notes to prove why I should be crowing, in random order:

Recently, Meghan unveiled her secret plan,which is to collect, then re-sell many varied items of many varied values in order to become very rich, so that she and Kirk will be able to fund the placing of Dolli and myself in an appropriate "Raisin Ranch” if necessary. She has also pledged to make it near a mall. God bless you for that detail, dear Maynan… sniff. Mombi was also recently featured in a magazine piece playing the role of the Supremely Articulate, Talented, Enthusiastic, and Capable wedding planner she is, like the real big girl she's become. Kudos... or is that Kuders?


D-Lidz just pulled 3 As and a B this last semester, becoming the Lebron’s Streaking Cavs of the Dean’s list. Additionally, fueled in part by grant/scholarship type moneys, along with having seriously wrangled, maneuvered and worked (including working hard to establish a nice sized pool for debt to flow into, just like a real big girl oughta), Lizzie is heading off on an intellectual and cultural pursuit to Japan for 11 days at this month’s end. My, my, my. Won’t even go into the fact that she actually ordered, paid for and installed new hubcaps on the Matrix. Whew! I gotta go lay down!

Last, but by no means least, Mizzuzz Dao. Having received a Bachelor’s Degree lo those many moons ago, she upped and moved all the way to The City of Angels for a few years, then state-trotted back this a way and reinstalled in coolio Chitown with hubby (a great guy, so an accomplishment there for both her and Kris in finding and latching onto each other) and… Elliot Rose Faeryelf Harveygold Carter (her REAL name, Goddamnit), what may always be her greatest production and a great one it is. But Gayle has also always been looking for the thing that she ‘does,’ and appears to have found it. Entering into a massively intense and condensed (timewise) program, she just graduated in the top echelon of her class, and has gotten a job at a tony joint as an esthetician (look it up. I’ve got work to do).

Oh, and all these young ladies have excellent, superior guys… assuming that there is such an animal. In alphabetical order, Joe, Kirk, and Kris are my manly gang of ragamuffins.







Finally, the woman who brought me these li'l buggers, known as the Dolli-Mama. A special shout out to you for all the transformations you've made this year while keeping up the most ridiculously good spirits one could ask for. Danke, baby.


OK, the grateful hour is now… finis.





The following is an unsolicited endorsement:

"Gerg likes to start his Mondays with the H-Man"

The Exploding Toy Run

Moving back to Akron represented two monumental life changes. The first was the ridiculous amount of personal happiness likely to hang with me for the rest of my life.

"And if THAT isn’t enough, if you call now, Harvey Gold, we’ll throw in a handy dandy extension on your life , not by one year, not by 5 years… but BY AT LEAST 2-3 MORE DECADES THAN YOU WOULD HAVE HAD, HAD YOU STAYED IN NEW YORK!!!!"

The second was this move requiring a career decision that would result in a dramatically reduced income (DRI).

And the answer is...... Deal and done.

But regardless, what I’ve had to learn, and friends, let me tell you, it’s been hard fought lo these 6 years, was to NOT SPEND LIKE A NEW YORKER!

I’m getting a little better at it.

For example, sometimes I’ll go to ‘The Acme’ and we’ll have soup and salad at home instead of Sushi, and I’ve pretty much opted out of doing any shopping in the Nordstrom’s Men’s Shop anymore.

But periodically, I experience frightening explosions, and they seem to occur on two main fronts.

Before I go into those, yes there are other places of indulgence. For instance, there are great temptations whenever we go to Sam’s Club, based on the idea that if you buy things by the pallet, you MUST be saving so much money, your portfolio will have ACTUALLY GROWN by the time you finish at check out! Mombi understands this kind of logic.

And there will never, ever be any regrets about any generosity we show the kids, because a) we love them so, and b) we’re gonna live a long time and they’re going to have to take care of us (we hope) in our bothersome, but quirkily entertaining dotage.

But now the two most notable lapses in good fiscal judgement:

Single Malt Scotch

My pal, Chris Seivard, first turned me on to good Single Malt Scotch at a converted estate in Aberdeen, Scotland a number of years ago. Didn’t much like Scotch before then. Sure do now. Sadly, as a rule, the only cheap Single Malt (thanks dude) is a dead single malt, and there are soooo many different Single Malts to choose from. So many regions with their own noses and, and, and… I don’t go after the Billion Dollar Single Casks from McNapoleon’s Garage variety, and I’ve narrowed my favorites down somewhat, but the cheapest, at a great price, is still around $45 a fifth.

Fortunately I’m not a big drinker. Unfortunately, I’ve turned a disproportionately large part of my family (Gayle, Kirk, and Joey) into interested parties, and have also managed same with a few of my local friends (one I've managed to spill some pretty good stuff with trying to catch fish at night on my ex-pedal boat. Good times. Good times. Especially during the blind midnight docking competition) thus the occasional Big McHarvey’s Tour Of Scotland putting a nice dent in the inventory, sending me into the bittersweet re-stocking mode. Sam’s Wines in Chicago, where they have excellent prices, a dizzying selection, and... SAMPLES... is my blessing and my curse.

God Bless My Curse.

Next up and when it blows, it can really blow, is:

Musical Instruments and their Pals

Now I’m not completely nuts, but it does come in spurts, and with the Lord as my witness., it’s just not my fault.

I blame Dolli first, for giving me back my life as Harvey, which includes a need to play and sing, meaning guitars, amps, pianos, keyboards, microphones, a little recording equipment, accessories… and stuff of that ilk.

I blame my brother Larry for buying me my first Harmony arch top in 1964, officially, my having taken piano lessons since ’59, making me a multi-instrumentalist.

I blame The Beatles for the obvious.

I blame Chris Butler today for re-introducing me to Class A tube amps and … THE GIBSON SG.

Finally, I blame being in the Television and Film Production Industry, where a simple screw can cost $75, giving me a warped perspective of money, to the point that when I buy said Class A tube amp and 1968 Gibson SG (needs some work, but still…) for the LOW LOW PRICE OF … well I got both for under $1000 on e-Bay, I somehow think that my portfolio will be bigger by the time PayPal hits my account.

It way won't.

Super Sub Blame: eBay and PayPal

So clearly... it's not me who should be blamed.

Sidebar:
l) Laphroaig 15
Older is undoubtedly great as the difference between this and the 10 is astonishing, but I'm on a budget
2) Bowmore Darkest
Mother's sweet caramel!
3) Mortlach 15
I think its 15... also caramel, both interesting as they're Islays, so filled with peat

Perfectly good as well:
- Lagavulin 16
BIG peat, drink her neat!
- Talisker 10
I hear there's an older one. Could be killer
- The Glenlivet... yeah, you heard me right... 18
The 12 BLOWS, but this is really nice Highland stuff
- Glenmorangie Burgundy Wood Finish
A little heavy handed, but sweet. A nice, no work, drinking Highland

NOW THIS... IS ART!

Mark your calendars, and...

Opening Info Salvo:

Half Cleveland will be performing on…
6/2 at The Displaced Musicians Benefit- The Lime Spider, Akron Ohio
6/30 w. Houseguest and The Kristoffer Carter Show - Nantucket Nights at Musika (Mocha Maiden), Akron, Ohio
7/28 at The Baggot Inn, NYC

Details to follow. More gigs to be scheduled.

Now... there are folks who write something every day, or almost every day. The blog is like a diary, or... in my pal, Chris Butler's case, a cultural entertainment on line rag. In Princess Mombi's case, it's a way to open the faucet on a really fertile mind, probably helping her to stay sane. Made me, upon noting the date of my last posting, cringe a little, so here goes:

First, in case you only read the most recent postings, please, if you haven't yet, go to:

http://www.tinhuey.com/news.htm

Tin Huey played a gig that turned out to be pretty exciting for me, and since this blog is kinda, sorta, mostly about me and mine, it's something I'd love you all to see.

Second, while Mr. Butler has bought yellow construction helmets and we're planning a Vanity Fair pictorial on his lush foliage filled property, he posed inside a hawk proof (we hope) cage with helmet and BB gun, sans anything else, we've had our own bird dramas at Casa Oro.

Harvey and Clicky stand vigil

For a recent report from D-Mom, go to:

http://dollimama.blogspot.com

Third, in response to my emotional reaction to my Grandfaery Elliott Rose's visit
(see next post), a renewed desire to live as long as possible, I chose to lose some weight and exercise more.

My mother used to react to any hint that my brother and/or I thought she would benefit from losing a few pounds with a really, really, hurt and angry "Fine! I'll just eat salad!" which she never did.

In my case, relative to what my previous intake was, both in content and volume, starting with the prep for the Tin Huey gig, I've actually been doing just that.

The result? I have now, as of this writing, lost, conservatively 5 pounds and have loosed angry, animal fat and carb craving demons, making me just a little cranky, and maybe a little crazy. No chips, no sweets, as little bread as possible... and simply, way less food than this bloated body has been accustomed to for a long, long time. Yes, I feel better physically, I think, and yes emotionally I feel better, except for the part where I want to kill off a double quarter pounder with cheese, a really large order of fries, and then go take a nap. No soda, no milkshakes. If I'm still hungry, I'll eat a couple Filet-o-Fish... and more fries (balance is important),at which point I'll no longer feel a low grade need to kill and roast my dogs.

Final thought: I do have a myspace page:

http://www.myspace.com/hharveygold

It is, for me, like setting the clock on the VCR was for my father. But I'll get it. No worries.

Three Things... Pretty Big Ones.

Item #1 Something I Could Never Have Hoped For

I guess my biggest, best news in the world is that I got to spend real and meaningful time with my 20 month old grandfaery, Elliott Rose, this last week. Forget the weekends in Chicago. This was real stuff. I changed poop dypes TWICE!!

-I lifted her up to stand on our fence post to look at The Head (more on that in a minute).
-I put her down from carrying her around and she WANTED ME TO PICK HER BACK UP.
-We spun in my Aeron office chair, separately and together.
-We worked out a ‘thing’ where we stood (me on my knees) on either end of the hall, and I beat my chest and did a Tarzan, as she screamed and ran at me, and I at her while pounding the walls, our monumental collisions causing us both to repeatedly fall to earth!!! She later learned how to do the Tarzan herself.

-And then she left and I miss her terribly.
-And she took her mom with her and I miss her terribly.
-And I realized that as Grandparents we’re going to see her through
only so much, for only so long.
-And I got back on the elyptical and went on a diet, cause it made me remember that I want that to be as long as we can manage.

Item #2 The Head


Ex Roadie, current Engineering U of A guy, and always dearest of friends and most excellent artist, Greg Lewis, picked up the pace on our “wreck Bath” project. Sunday, he presented us with The Head. We have two tall, thin, barren trees in the front of our property skirting the street just behind our fence. When we had the devastation of the winter of 2004 finally dragged out of our yard, we, at Dolli’s suggestion, had these two trees cut, but leaving one at about 8 feet or so, the other about 12’, with nice flat tops. Wanting to do something with them, though they looked pretty cool as is, we suggested Greg use them as exhibition spaces. I have a feeling there will be a bit of a rotation as we go, but for the first step… The Head.

Thank you, Greg. You’ve made Dolli and me very happy, and gave Ellie and me something to share.

Item #3 The Gig

WE finally did it. I’ve seen it, I’ve smelled it, and Saturday, April 29th, 2006, I got to taste it. The T-Huey Mug-a-Sheep. Tin Huey, Half Cleveland, Ralph Carney and Friends. 28 years later THIS is what makes up the complete Tin Huey experience. Video, songs, jamming, terror, guests… our most perfect guest turned out to be a member… Mark Price, returning to guitar after all these years. Monster.

There’s a full report at:

http://www.tinhuey.com/news.htm

But let me just say here, thank you to everyone who came, who has ever come, and to the people who did some amazing things with me on that Saturday night. It was an honor. God bless.